Life changing, life changes

Here I am nine months after I started this blog. All I can say is I have experienced quite a bit in that time. Essentially I have been blessed to give birth to my own breath :-).

If someone would have told me two years ago that I was going to be married at this very second... I probably would have cried and called him or her a liar. But deep down in my heart I wanted to be...married. I wanted to have the security of my husband's love and ALLLLLL that comes with it lol. Unfortunately, I doubted that the Creator would ever let me be the chosen one "for real" and not just "for play". I had so many "close encounters" that my heart began to harden. It was a scary experience because I felt myself closing everyone and everything out. However, the Creator had another plan for me (and for that I am sooooo grateful).

I met this silent soldier of a man, whose passion for life could be witnessed in the words he wrote, the love he gave, the things he did. Making his acquaintance made my heart began to melt immediately and of course I was afraid. I mean, we really were each others' reflections. We were chocolate, with locs and glasses, we loved words, learning, teaching and we were ready to enjoy life. But my wall of doubt almost had me lose him. I almost pushed him away because I did not think I deserved to have such a humble man. But like the whisper on the wind that comes from the flap of a butterfly's wings, I heard from deep within me, "It's ok, now it's time to breathe".

So I committed to breathing having, no idea that I was walking into the next phase of my Divine refinement. Now for anyone who knows about the refining of metals, it was not a pretty comfortable process. There were alot of hidden impurities that the Creator had to bring to the surface so I could walk into my marriage as a refreshed being. Let's just say God had to turn the heat up on the inside of me. There were ideas I had about relationships, what I thought a man should do, what I thought a woman should do and what I thought they should do together. And because I had so many should dos... I did not leave room for us to just be. I had a choke hold on the very life of our divine appointment to be with one another for all our lives.

And then there was the issue of commitment... now remember I said I had alot of "close encounters". Well, without completely understanding how I did it or why I did it I made my future husband pay for their mistakes. So at times I was either tooooo clingy or tooo distance. I was praying mightily for some balance, LOL. And that inner voice told me "It's ok, just remember to breathe, so you can make space for new things".

So I began to make space... and I continue to make space :)